Stanksgiving : Chapter 4

 

Here’s chapter 4, check back for the ending soon……..

Here it is!

 

 

Stanksgiving

Chapter Four: Zombified!

Harold raised the knife as he was ready to cut the 42 pound turkey. “First, I wants to thank all of you for coming to our Thanksgiving party this year”, Harold said. “And now, I knows that all of you are very hungry and you all wants to eat, so I’m a gonna cut up this here turkey, cause it sure enough smells too good to eat”, Harold added. The crowd stood in anticipation of seeing the turkey all cut up. Harold brought the knife and an utensil to help to cut the meat straight down to one side of the turkey and added a focused and intense look on his face as he prepared to make the first cut. A small bead of sweat ran down his forehead as he took in a long and deep breath. “Hey that there bird just moved”, someone in the crowd yelled out. Harold stopped and looked down closer at the turkey. “That turkey didn’t move, y’all stops tryin to all fool with me there”, Harold said.

“What’s all that there green stuff oozing out from behind that there turkey”, Uncle Larry asked? Harold looked at the rear of the turkey and saw what Uncle Larry was talking about. “I wonder what that there green stuff is”, Harold wondered? “I thinks that that is just some of the stuffing up in there”, Sally said. “Well, I’ll just sees about that”, Harold said. And with that, Harold took his index finger and stuck it right into the rear cavity of the turkey, and when his finger was all wet and slippery with the green stuff, he brought up the finger to his mouth and stuck it in. “Whoa, lord”, Harold yelled as a look of horror came across his face. “Now what’s wrong with that”, Sally asked? “That tastes like rotten garbage”, Harold said as he tried to keep from puking. “That there turkey just moved again”, someone from the group said. “Now, I’m not so sure about eatin’ this here bird”, Harold said. “Oh, just stop it everyone, that there turkey is just fine on the insides, even if the stuffing isn’t any good”, Sally insisted.

“Sally is right y’all”, Harold said after regaining his taste and composure. “Now, let’s stop all of this here non-sense and I’m a gonna cut up this here turkey”, Harold added. Now Harold brought the knife down to the side of the turkey once again and prepared himself to make the first cut. He added a little pressure to the skin of the turkey but it was a little tough. So he added still even more pressure and the knife started to go in just a little. Just then the crowd gasped and they all took a quick step back. Harold wondered just what was going on now. “I tolds y’all that that there turkey was still a movin'”, someone from the crowd screamed. “Gggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr”, the turkey growled! Harold could not believe his eyes nor his ears. “Hey Sally, I thinks that this here turkey is still alive”, Harold said. “That’s rediculous”, Sally insisted even though she too had heard the growl from the turkey. “Didn’t you hear it growl at me”, Harold asked? “Now let’s cut out all of this silliness, and you cut up that there turkey now”, Sally told Harold.

Harold once again brought the knife to the side of the turkey and tried to cut it. Then the turkey growled again and everyone could see it start to move all around on the tray. And with that the crowd took another quick step backwards. “That there turkey is still a movin'”, someone from the crowd yelled. “It sure enough is still alive”, Harold yelled! Then the 42 pound turkey rolled over onto its stomach and began to squirm around quite a bit more. There was still green stuff oozing out of the rear cavity of the turkey as it began to stand up on what was left of it’s back legs. Everyone’s eyes in the crowd were like giant saucer cups as none of them could believe their eyes. Just then the turkey let out a huge roar. “GGGggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrr”, it said!

“Now you have gots to be kiddin me”, Harold said, as the turkey began to walk to the edge of the table. The turkey gave a mean look back and then all of the sudden let out a huge fart that resulted in a big cloud of green smoke coming out of it’s rear cavity. The turkey then jumped off the edge of the table as everyone in the crowd began to smell the turkey’s fart. “Damn, that there turkey is zombified”, Harold yelled! The cloud of green smoke began to engulf the whole room and everyone in the room got a pretty good whiff of the turkey’s fart. Then the turkey headed for the front door, which someone had left open as they ran from the spectacle. Everyone in the dining room watched as the zombie turkey let out another loud roar and then walked out of the door.

Stanksgiving : Chapter 3

 

Here comes chapter 3, check back for chapter 4 soon……..

Here it is!

 

 

Stanksgiving

Chapter 3: Out of the Oven!

“Ding Dong”, the door-bell rang. “There goes that there door-bell”, Sally says. Harold gets up out of his favorite chair and peeks out the front picture window and sees a large crowd of friends and family. “Looks like just about everybody whats we invited are all heres now”, he says. Sally also peeks out the window and sees the same small crowd that Harold had just seen, as Harold goes to the front door and opens it. “Happy Thanksgiving”, he yells. “Happy Thanksgiving”, the small crowd of people yells back at him and Sally. “Well, are you gonna invite us inside or are we gonna freeze to death out here”, Harold’s brother Bill asks? “Well come on in out of the cold”, Harold says as he and Sally move back to let the group in. “Y’all can hangs your coats and hats on that there coat rack”, Sally says whilst pointing to a wooden coat rack near a closet. And the group of friends and relatives begins to say hellos and start to make conversations while taking off their coats and hats and beginning to warm up and get comfortable.

Harold looked around and went around talking to everyone who had showed up to their Thanksgiving party this year. Everyone pretty much looked the same as last year, Harold thought. Everyone except Uncle Larry. Uncle Larry had been going through some tough times lately and Harold and Sally knew all about it. “All this here food sure enough smells great, Harold”, Uncle Larry said. “Ya and you looks like you haven’t eaten since last Thanksgiving, Uncle Larry”, Harold said. Uncle Larry scratched his forehead as if to wonder what exactly Harold, his nephew was talking about. “Well now, what on earths do you mean by that”, Uncle Larry said. “You looks like you’ve lost quite a lot of weight there, Uncle Larry”, Harold stated. “Oh ya, I guess I have lost a few pounds since last year”, Uncle Larry said. “You sees, my doctor put me on this here vegitarian diets, wheres you can only eats greens most days. But on special occasians I can have some meat, and you hads better believe that this here Thanksgiving is one of them there special occasians wheres I can eats meat”, Uncle Larry said while laughing. “Well then, I’m glad to hear that, Uncle Larry, because we done went and cooked us up a 42 pound turkey”, Harold said. “You must be jokin’, a forty-two pound turkey”, Uncle Larry said. “Yep, you heards me right, and It’ll be comin on out here in just a few minutes”, Harold said.

As the conversations carried on, in the kitchen a few of the ladies were helping Sally with all of the last minute cookin’ preperations. The conversations coming from the living room and the dining room were spilling into the kitchen, and they were getting louder and louder, indicating to Sally that everyone was well hungry and waiting to eat. “We better gets this here Thanksgiving dinner started before that there crowd gets up and out of control”, Sally said to no one in particular. “Is that there huge turkey done cookin’ up yet”, one of the ladies asked? “Well now, just lets me have another look”, Sally said. Then Sally went to the oven and slowly opened up the door. She peeked inside and saw that the large turkey was indeed done. “Ya, this turkey is sure enough done”, Sally said. But then Sally realized that it was not going to be so easy to get it out of the oven. Because it was so heavy that Harold had to put it into the oven in the first place, and even that was a struggle for him. And that is when it was still all cold and frozen! “I’m gonna needs some help to get this turkey out of this here oven”, Sally said.

“Hey, Harold, can you come in here for a minute”, Sally yelled out into the dining room. “Sure, I’ll be there in just a second”, Harold yelled back. And then Harold went into the kitchen. “Is that there turkey just about done cookin'”, Harold asked? “Ya, it’s done enough, but we will need some kind of help to get it up and out of that there oven”, Sally said. Harold then felt all of the heavy heat coming up and out of the oven. He then walked over to it and bent over and stuck his head closer to both get a better look and a better smell. While the heat was well excessive, harold noted that the turkey smelled great! And he noticed that it seemed to look fine as well, with the exception of some green slime oozing out of the rear cavity of the bird. “You did a great job on this here 42 pound turkey, honey”, Harold said to Sally. Sally smiled and then said, “thanks, honey. Now go and gets someone strong to help you with that there turkey. If you goes and drops it on the floors I’ll have to hit you upside your head with this here skillet”! Harold knew that she was joking but still took the threat seriously. He went back out to the dining room to fetch up someone just as strong as he was.

“Out of the way, hot turkey comin’ through”, Harold yelled as he and one of the guests carried the heavy turkey out into the dining room, leaving a trail of hot steam and the smell of fresh cooked turkey as they went. The guests all gasped at once when they saw the size of the 42 pound turkey. “That is the largest damn turkey I ever have seen”, one guest was overheard saying. “Are you sure that that there thing is really a turkey and not an ostrich or something”, another guest wondered out loud? The guests all couldn’t believe their own eyes. But the turkey looked great and smelled great too. “Come on everybody and gather arounds whilst I cut this here turkey”, Harold said. And soon enough there was a whole croud gathered all around Harold to watch him cut the 42 pound turkey…..

Stanksgiving : Chapter 2

 

Sorry for the long delay again, but here comes chapter 2, and I will try to get the rest finished soon……..

Here it is!

 

 

Stanksgiving

Chapter 2: Cookin’ it up!

Harold goes back down stairs and returns to Sally in the kitchen. As he enters the kitchen, Sally is still trying to finish cooking up Thanksgiving dinner. “You didn’t go and clog up that there toilet, did you Harold”, Sally asked? “Hell no, that toilet is an American classic, it’s a 1952 Stoutart, built with pride in America”, Harold said. He had kept the toilet for many years. It had originally been in the house he grew up in as a child. He had a special fondness for that toilet and he intended on passing it down to his first born son, when the time came. “You thinks that toilet is something special, don’t you”, Sally wondered? “That toilet is a classic, I tells you”, Harold said emphatically. “Alright, I’m not going to argues with you about your damn toilet again”, Sally said while trying to return to her cooking.

 

Harold was enjoying the smells in the kitchen but also wondering where all the guests were and when would they be coming. “Why don’t you goes and watch some footballs on that there TV Harold”, Sally asked? “Yes, that sounds good”, Harold said. “But where is everybody at, they all should be here by now”, Harold asked? “They are all coming straight away, and they will be here soon enough, you just go and watch your footballs”, Sally demanded. Sally gives Harold a shove towards the living room and he heads out there and turns on the TV. “Hey its the Detroit Lions against the Chicago Bears”, Harold yells out to Sally. Sally didn’t hear or to be more accurate she didn’t pay any attention to what Harold had said. “This game is gonna be a classic, I tells ya”, Harold said. Harold sat down in his favorite chair and began to watch the game. He was trying to figure out the score but it was not on the screen just yet so Harold had to wait.

 

Meanwhile, Sally was just about to finish up everything in the kitchen. So she starts to put everything in large bowls and serving plates. “Hey Harold, if your not busy can you help me carry some of this here food outs to the dining room”, she asked? “Yes ‘mam, I’m a coming”, Harold said. Harold enters the kitchen and the smell of all the good food hits him in the nose and his stomach begins to growl loudly from hunger and anticipation of the upcoming great thanksgiving meal. “What on earth was that there noise”, Sally asked? “That was just my stomach”, Harold said. “I sure enough am gettin’ hungry now and this here food all smells great”, Harold continued. “Well then gets a move on and starts to carry some of this out to the dining room, and we’ll be eating soon enough”, Sally said. And Harold began to carry some of the large bowls and serving plates to the dining room, and Sally also helped carry some too.

 

After a whiles, all of the food, save for the 42-pound turkey, which was still cookin away in the oven, was finally on the dining room table. “I had better go and check on that there turkey and see if its near to gettin done”, Sally says. “Ok, now don’t you go and burn it”, Harold jokes. “Now you know I aint gonna burn that bird, and in facts I would bet you that it will be the best turkey you will ever have”, Sally says emphatically. Harold returns to the living room to watch his football game and Sally goes to the kitchen to check on the turkey. Harold finally finds out that the score of the game is all tied at 3 points a piece. And Sally finds that the turkey is well done and nearly ready to cut and serve. All that was really left to do was a little cleaning up of the kitchen and wait for the guests to arrive. So, Sally begins to clean up. And a little whiles later, the doorbell rings and the guests begin to arrive.

 

Sorry for the long delay, but here it comes. Another rotten short story from Shane Zentz, and this one will really smell, I promise. Yes, more bad fiction from Shane Zentz is heading right your way. So here it is, it’s called ‘Stanksgiving’ and its the story of a thanksgiving dinner gone way wrong. I think you will like this one, so here is Chapter one, entitled “What’s that smell?”…..enjoy the read…………..

Stanksgiving

by Shane Zentz

 

Chapter One: What’s that smell?

 

“Damn, that smells good, honey”, Harold said. “Ya, I thinks that thanksgiving dinner will turn out pretty good this year”, Sally said. “But you don’t needs to be bothering me whilst I’m trying to cook this on up”, a frustrated and hot Sally told her husband, Harold. “Alright, I’ll gets out of your way and let you cook up this here Thanksgiving meal”, he said. Harold put his nose up in the air and took a big, deep breath, taking in all the smells in the kitchen. “Hey, I’m just wondering, does ya thinks that we all will have enough food here”, Harold asked? Sally continued stiring a pot and did not acknowledge Harold’s question. “How many peoples we got coming for Thanksgiving dinner this year”, Harold asked? “Now, don’t you go and worry yourself all up, we will have plenty for everyone”, Sally said. “I done bought us up a 42-pound turkey, and it’s cookin’ away right now”, she said.

 

‘Now, where did you go and get you a 42-pound turkey”, Harold asked? “I boughts it from a man what was selling em out by the plant over yonder”, Sally said. “What plant, not the nuclear plant they gots over there, did you”, he asked? “Ya, thats where I got it, I gots it plenty cheap too, it was only four dollars”, she replied. “That there bird could be toxified, you know all the stories we hear about what goes on at that there nuclear plant”, Harold worried. “Now your all worried abouts nothing, just takes a look at that there bird cookin up in there”, Sally said. Harold walked over to the oven, pulled the door open and bent down to take a peek inside. He studied the contents of the oven for a little while, took another deep whiff and then closed the door. “Ya, your probably right, that turkey sure enough smells great so it must be alright to eat”, Harold said. “Go on gets out of here and let me finish cookin this up”, Sally demanded. And Harold left the kitchen, and Sally returned to her chore of cooking.

 

Harold went up to the bathroom to get in some reading and to make room for the upcoming Thanksgiving day dinner that was soon to be served. Meanwhile Sally was cooking in the kitchen. She was making her speciality, an eight bean salad, which consisted of eight different kinds of beans as well as onions and cabbage. All of the sudden she heard a noise and stopped what she was doing. She thought that the noise was a muted belch. It must be Harold hanging around she thought. But she soon realised that it could not have been Harold because she heard the upstairs toilet flush with a roar. “That toilet is sure enough gonna be sore in the morning”, she thought. But then she wondered what it was that she had heard. She thought that it had come from the oven or near the oven. She walked over to the oven and opened the door.

 

When Sally opened the door another belch sounded followed by a burbeling sound, like boiling oil. She looked in the oven and saw that the turkey was cooking but also noticed that there appeared to be some thick green liquid oozing from several cavities of the bird. This is unusual, she thought. But there were no odd smells, everything seemed good, so she decides to just ignore it and lets the bird continue to cook. The smell of Thanksgiving was all in the air, downstairs, but upstairs, Harold had just finished up his business in the bathroom and a mighty stink filled the air. Harold grabbed a can of Lysol heavy duty air freshener from a cabinet and let loose with a cloud of spray. This did not kill the horrible smell but instead somehow mated with it and eventually produced a new smell altogether. The resulting smell was not as bad as the first but still potent and skunky. Harold cracked a window to help get rid of the stench, but even that did not seem to help too much.