"Those Magic Muffins" Part 2 ….. by Shane Zentz
Jimmy Footballs recruited the help of a few friends to help get the giant muffin back to his apartment. It was a strain and a struggle but with a great effort the stinky muffin was home. Jimmy also needed the aid of a gas mask every time he opened the box that contained the muffin. He had convinced his friends that he had purchased a used washing machine because he did not want them to know that he was going to eat this smelly muffin in order to grow taller. And they seemed to believe him, although they did comment on the funky smell eminating from the large box. Jimmy later went to the liquor store to buy some strong spirits that he knew he would need in order to eat the foul smelling muffin.
After returning from the liquor store, Jimmy quickly took a few drinks. He drank enough to start to get a nice and mellow buzz on, not flat out drunk, just a numbing high. Enough of a high to be able to stomach the stinking muffin. So then he took out a plate and a fork and a knife and made his way over to the big box. He opened it and the pungent smell slapped him square in the face causing him to back up and almost causing him to fall over backwards. He regained his composure and told himself that it was only a muffin so how bad could it be? He then cut a good portion from the giant muffin, about the size of a large steak. He noticed how it was large and heavy but it was also spongy and pretty easy to cut. Although when he cut into it it seemed to stink even worse. Jimmy walked over to his small dinner table and sat down with plate in hand and a very unsure look on his face.
Jimmy steadied his nerves with another drink. He then built up his courage enough to be able to cut into the muffin that lay before him. He cut off a reasonably sized bite, not too large and not too small. He examined the piece of muffin that was nailed to his fork carefully. Then he smelled it and when he did he noticed that it did not really smell that bad if he smelled it close up, but as soon as he pulled it away from his nose the horrible smell returned with a vengance. He closed his eyes and opened his mouth and as steadily as he could he raised the fork to his mouth. Then he inserted the fork with the piece of muffin on it into his mouth, being careful not to touch his lips to the muffin itself. Then he suddenly bit down onto the fork and just as quickly pulled the fork out of his mouth, leaving only the muffin in his mouth. He chewed quickly and almost out of control, as if that would somehow make it better. When he was through with the wild chewing, he commanded his throat to quickly and powerfully suck the food down into his stomach.
Jimmy waited to see if he was still alive. And sure enough he was! He waited still a few more minutes to see if he would have any kind of reaction to eating the bite of the stinky muffin, but he still felt fine and above all he was still breathing. He considered the taste of it and realized that it really wasn’t half bad, or at least not as bad as he had expected. Once he realized that it was not killing him and that it did not taste half-bad, he devoured the rest of the muffin on his plate as quickly as he could. Then he finished his whiskey as well. He walked confidently to his sofa and sat down and turned on the TV. Minutes later he still felt fine, but did realize that he was getting very tired very quickly. So he turned off the TV and walked to his bedroom, where he practically collapsed onto his bed and fell immediately into a deep sleep.